weeee-ohhhh! here goes something! i've been throwing this whole blog idea around here and there with clients and friends and i've finally decided to make a legit attempt at it. first off, i preferred not to do 8.432 hours of perfecting the layout for this thing so eventually yes, it will change. second off, i'm no pro language arts/english guru, so if i misplace a comma or use it like it's going out of style, GET OVER IT. i don't care and i'm sure you'll understand what i'm saying anyway. and last thing, i don't capitilize anything unless it's used for "shouting". it's not laziness, i just don't like the look of it.
introduction:
hey, i'm alyssa. i'm a single, white female, 23 years of (young) age. i am a semi-hard working hairstylist, photographer, pet sitter, babysitter, wedding planner, and the list goes on. i have a huge issue with staying on track (aka, undiagnosed A.D.D. like everyone else in the world). i am here to write about my random ass dating experiences. good, bad, ugly, random, and let's just say..interesting. while i have come to accept the fact that yes, i am young, i still like to think it's crazy i haven't found ONE man i've been completely intrigued with. or i should say, the RIGHT ONE man. i've found one, but he's a hot mess of a story which i'm sure you'll hear about.
i'm going to lay it out right now that if you know me personally or professionally, i am giving you a FOREWARNING of this content! it will contain profanity so get over it or don't continue to read! may you judge or sway from me, let that be your choice. all names i will attempt at giving an alias and if you care to pass this on to a friend because of my potential hilariousness, please also pass this forewarning.
HERE GOES!
the dreadful first kiss
freshmen year of high school. cool marching band kid (seriously).
so of course, we hang out in the band room ALL the time. well one day, i'm hanging outside the door waiting to go to other classes when this somewhat curiously cute kid is standing outside of what apparently was a special ed room. now i'm not completely sure how this kid ended up with my number and i'm also not entirely sure it was even a cell phone number. either way, i specifically remember my friend tammy* running up to me and saying "omg...did joey* just give you his number?! he's WEIRD. i wouldn't hang out with him if i were you." well, i didn't take her advice. because do i ever? no way! i prefer to experience everything completely on my own.
he pulls up to my house in this 1996 white 2 door grand am. gnarly ass muffler not to mention super creepy. all we would do is drive around (that's cool right?) and stop at his family's business to hold hands and walk through the store which was totally going under.
ok lets get to the real story.
this kid was legit bullimic. he was previously a wrestler and would literally bring his meals back up to lower his weight (typical i think but this was odd..). he no longer wrestled but somehow kept this habit up post-wrestling. not only did that really weird me out but it made me feel completely huge seeing as i was a girl 2-3 years into her "womanhood". so the one day we go into his basement to watch movies. not just us, but also his younger brother who was only a grade underneath me. joey had asked him to put a movie in and when he did, there was a woman butt-ass naked sucking some man off. WOAH! hello! i'm 15 and have NEVER watched porn! TURN THIS OFF! the movie was switched and i was able to relax again. now it's not like i didn't know what sex was. i knew what sex was LONG before that porn was probably produced. after all, my genious older sister (one of 4) did a great job of teaching me the word "boobies" at an early age. after that, my barbies were undressing, humping, and making babies ever since.
so again, i'm all relaxed when suddenly somehow joey is on the prowl..for my mouth. i remember thinking "shit, might as well get this over with and see what it's like." and there it happened. all in front of his little brother gawking like this was some real life porno scene right before his eyes! i was disturbed instantly and they both laughed. there it was.. the "weirdo" warning. my straight up dirtball first kiss. ew.
i'm not completely sure how i ended that little relationship, but it had to be done. i can bet your bottom dollar that i straight up ignored him.
and that's where it all began...
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